Take the Initiative

Oswald used 2 Peter 1:5 today, but skip back to verses 3 and 4: "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires."

The same verses from The Message: "Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God. The best invitation we ever received! We were also given absolutely terrific promises to pass on to you -- your tickets to participation in the life of God after you turned your back on a world corrupted by lust."

My problem is that too often I start with Oswald's words for today: "Take the initiative." I start with verse 5 -- "make every effort" -- when I need to start with verse 3 -- "getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God." And, in this case, getting the cart before the horse is not just ineffective, it's disastrous. I've heard sermons that exhorted believers not to focus too much on this personal relationship with God. Christianity is not just a "me and God" kind of thing. Right. It's not. He saved us for a purpose -- that we might glorify him and perform good works -- and the second greatest commandment is to love our neighbor.

But here's the thing, and I guess I can only speak for myself. I have fast-forwarded through the relationship part, the loving God with all my heart, mind and soul part, to get to the working out my salvation with fear and trembling part. I am making every effort at holiness, but it is frustrating and futile without the "knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."

In a static world, which doesn't exist, I could focus on getting to know God, and I'm convinced that the knowledge itself would be life-changing, moving me into action. Unfortunately (and I really mean unfortunately), I am smack dab in the middle of a busy 50-year-old woman's life with lots of responsibilities. I cannot drop everything to focus on my relationship with God and wait for the motivation toward good deeds to kick in. I have children who need my love and concern and wisdom and discipline right now. I have a job and problematic relationships that demand every ounce of my creativity and compassion. I am the member of a church in the middle of transition, and I have all the usual, everyday demands of survival . . . so this cannot be a linear journey. It cannot be anything but a mess.

So here's the truth as I know it: My life is a mess. I hurt and I long for wholeness. I long to fully comprehend the nature of God's love for me, and I long to live my life out of that comprehension. But I am not there yet. I am trying to get to know God, trying to believe that he loves me apart from my performance. But I am not there yet. And still, I must live my life -- working, writing, caring for my children, dealing with people who have hurt me and will likely hurt me again, accepting that I have also hurt them -- influenced by the imperfect knowledge I hold at any given moment.

Life is not at all linear.