I was doing a little reading about Mother Teresa and her dark night of the soul which apparently lasted throughout her entire ministry to the poorest of the poor in India. Commentary on her private letters, which were made public as part of the sainthood process and expressed her despair at God's seeming absence from her life, ran the gamut from calling her a hypocrite to admiring her perseverance. An atheist said, See, she was faking all along, whereas others, obviously, hold her up as a model for us all on living the faith without the feeling.
I feel like there is a similar conversation going on inside my own heart and mind:
The Doubter: You're a fool. You pretend to believe something of which you have no evidence. Relationship?! What does that mean? Christians throw this language around about Christ living in your heart or being filled with the Spirit or having a relationship with God. What relationship? Does he talk to you? Can you hear him? What evidence do you have that he is listening?
The Believer: Faith is not a feeling. You can know the Truth without having to have experiential evidence.
The Doubter: It's a crutch. You're scared to walk away from what you have claimed to believe for your whole life.
The Believer: Can you imagine a world without a Creator? Does it make sense that this all happened by chance? If you chuck it all, what will be your standard of goodness?
Dear God, I will not throw a temper tantrum or lay down and refuse to move until you reveal yourself to me. I will continue to act based on what I have always believed. I will, however, be like Gideon and ask for a sign. I have heard that his example was not set down as one to be followed, but I'm not so sure. When I am not in danger of being led away by it, as Oswald suggests, please, Lord, give me a sign. Encourage me on the road.
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