Two scenes. Both set in Christian environments.
Book group: We are discussing My Life in France by Julia Child. Cathy, our hostess, has prepared a classic French meal from Julia's cookbook -- roast chicken with an amazing sauce made by deglazing the pan, a vegetable dish of roasted eggplant, zucchini and tomatoes topped with bread crumbs and Parmesan cheese, country French bread and a tossed salad with vinaigrette. Chilled French wine flows freely. We are out on Cathy's deck on a perfect summer evening. The heat is gone. The moon is out. A piece of classic French cloth covers the picnic table. Laughter. Discussion. Friendship. Love. It is easy to believe that life is good. After the main course, Cathy brings out sliced Valencia oranges, chunks of cantaloupe and a bottle of Chocovine. We watch an episode of The French Chef where Julia is making a spinach turnover with her friend and co-author, Simka. We talk about France and travel and God and food and decide our next book will be Lust for Life -- a fictionalized account of Van Gogh's life. I leave with a sense of connection, of being loved and valued and wanted.
Work: I work for a Christian organization. I am surrounded by Christians. These days, I dread going, and I come home exhausted. Everything about the place seems to suck the life out of me. I struggle to find the truth. I struggle to tell the truth. I struggle to be heard. I struggle for respect. I struggle within myself over whether I'm being unreasonable. I feel angry much of the time. I do not feel valued. Even as the words are coming out of someone's mouth, there is too much evidence to the contrary drowning them out. Much of the time I feel like a freak, and I wonder if I have anything in common with these people at all. Can I even be a Christian if this is what it is?
The comparison is unfair. One is work. They pay me to do it. The other is pretty much my idea of a perfect evening. Still, I wonder, is the Christian life a struggle -- a wrestling match, a race -- or is it a permanent, living sabbath -- resting, abiding in Christ? Can it really be both? Is it supposed to swing like a crazy pendulum weighted heavily to one side? Working, striving for six days, resting for one?
"Learn the unforced rhythms of grace" -- Eugene Peterson translates Matthew 11:29 with these words.
Jesus, please teach me the unforced rhythms of grace and give me rest for my soul.
Amen-Please share some those unforced rhythms of grace with me... I'm also not feeling it.
ReplyDeleteWhat I want is some of this--"Anything that disturbs rest in Him must be cured at once, and it is not cured by being ignored, but by coming to Jesus Christ. If we come to Him and ask Him to produce Christ-consciousness, He will always do it until we learn to abide in Him." Oswald.
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