The Sacrament of the Saint

"Sympathy enervates" -- Oswald.

I think Oswald is using "sympathy" as a synonym for "pity." We don't do people a favor, according to Oswald, when we feel sorry for them. Rather, we reduce their mental vigor or lessen their vitality through our sympathy. Worse than that, Oswald says, we blacken the name of God. We imply that he has somehow messed up, that he doesn't have their life in his hands, their best interest at heart. Or perhaps that he was powerless in this instance or, worse, just not that interested.

Still, no one who has just lost a job or crashed her car or experienced some much greater disappointment wants to hear how it's all part of God's plan, how it's all going to work together for good. Not at first anyway.

My life has been relatively suffering free. My mom died the day before my 31st birthday when my boys were both under two years old. My husband and I lost our restaurant -- the big dream of our lives up to that point -- and along with it, most of our friends. My youngest daughter was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes at age 8, and I have struggled with clinical depression for most of my adult life. But that's about it. I have brushed up against pain, but it has not rolled over me the way it has some of my friends -- the loss of a child, divorce, cancer.

I never want to be glib about pain, but I don't think that's what Oswald is really saying. I don't think he's preaching against empathy, just pity, and I doubt anyone really wants to be pitied anyway. Still, there is a care that is required here in how we respond to another's misfortune. We do need to keep God's character and omnipresence in the forefront of our minds when we step into their pain. Somehow God is all-good and all-powerful and bad things happen. Our tendency is to want to deny one or the other -- either that bad isn't really bad or that God isn't really who he says he is.

The difficult -- but only truly helpful -- thing is to hold both truths inviolate and operate from there.

Oswald's last paragraph brings up a whole new subject in my mind. One definitely worth exploring, but another day.