If I mean what I say . . . Undress myself morally before God . . . until I am a mere conscious human being and then give God that. . . Am I more devoted to my idea of what Jesus wants than to himself? . . . Discouragement is disenchanted self-love, and self-love may be love of my devotion to Jesus. (Oswald's words with the pronouns changed.)
The older brother was in love with his devotion to the father. This is my addiction. I keep thinking I have left it to go into the party, to seek him, to sit at his feet, to finally know him, and then I wake up for a brief moment to find I haven't left it at all. Only dressed it a little differently.
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