"It is better to enter into life maimed and lovely in God's sight than to be lovely in man's sight and lame in God's" -- Oswald.
I'm not sure that this is right, but here's what I'm thinking . . .
My depression is my thorn in the flesh, my lameness. It keeps me from becoming brazenly independent. Here's my insane pattern of behavior: cry out to God in desperation, receive comfort, pick myself up and strike out again -- on my own, fall, crumble, cry out to God in desperation, receive comfort, pick myself up and strike out again -- on my own. Over and over and over again. It is as though I believe the purpose of the healing is to erase my need for God. How stupid can I be? Well, apparently stupid enough to engage in this merry-go-round behavior for most of my adult life. But sometimes I wonder if the depression is not a gift in disguise (albeit a very good disguise) as it continually drives me back to God.
I agree with you, Barbara, God will use whatever is available to draw us to Him. After all, that is our only place of safety, healing, and peace.
ReplyDeleteLet me give you hope, however. I, too, walked in that quicksand called depression for many years. God pulled me out when I (finally!) learned the lessons He wanted me to live. Don't give up.
Be blessed,
Lynnda