It's after 10 p.m., and I've had a rather emotionally draining day, so I fear I may not do Oswald justice. I read yesterday's passage from I Kings 19 and today's passage from Matthew 26 first thing this morning, then I went to lie on the couch and pray but, ironically, fell asleep instead. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Oswald's advice: Do the next thing.
I am going to fail. I am going to disappoint myself and others. Christ's friends let him down in the most crucial test of loyalty, but there is no going back. They cannot undo it. To dwell on the failure only brings despondency. I cried at work today, for which I hate myself -- so unprofessional. I want to be a big girl, separate myself from my writing, and listen to any and all criticism with a detached objectivity. News flash, Barb. It's not going to happen. You are a passionate perfectionist. Also, you are not always nice. You have prickles. You can be hurt and you can hurt other people. GIVE UP ON THE INSANE PERFECT BARBIE DOLL IDEAL ALL READY. It ain't gonna happen. And no matter how many times you go over the events of the day, you cannot change them. They are literally history. Listen to Oswald and move on.
What is the next thing? For me, right now it is bed and a fresh start tomorrow.
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