Why Cannot I Follow Thee Now?

John 13 illustrates the truth of yesterday's assertion that Jesus and his ways sometimes appear to be surrounded by clouds and darkness to us. They certainly were for Peter in this chapter. First Jesus wants to wash Peter's feet, and Peter replies, "No, you shall never wash my feet." When Jesus insists that it is a requirement for relationship, Peter says, "Then wash my whole body." Again, Jesus indicates that Peter has missed the point. Toward the end of the chapter, Jesus says that he is going away and that the disciples cannot follow. Peter doesn't accept that. He demands: "Lord, why can't I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you." And Jesus answered: "Will you really lay down your life for me? I tell you the truth, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times."

As Oswald writes, Jesus possessed "a deeper knowledge of Peter than Peter had of himself." Peter wanted to do great things for Jesus, but he wasn't quite clear on what was required. Jesus, however, knew both Peter and what was required. There is great comfort here. Jesus knows me better than I know myself. I might think I know what I'm ready to undertake, but he truly does know. He knows the pieces that will take me by surprise as Peter was taken by surprise in the high priest's courtyard. He knows my fears, my weaknesses, where and how I am inclined to fail. He also knows my strengths. He hasn't missed the growth that has taken place. I do not need to sell myself. He knows me better than I know myself. Hence, his timing is better than mine. When I say, Now! and he says, Wait, I need not doubt which one of us is right.

I should probably leave it there, but Oswald makes a point which troubles me. "Never run before God's guidance," he writes. "If there is the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt -- don't." I'm afraid, if I followed this advice, I would never do anything at all. Absolute certainty escapes me most of the time.

Barbara