Warning: I may sound a bit pathetic this morning. I feel a bit pathetic, and Oswald is not helping. His words seem cold and harsh and almost -- but not quite -- empty. I sound a bit like Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in my own head: "I want intimacy with Jesus, and I want it NOW!" Ridiculous, I know. My friend Jenny is up there, too, talking to Veruca: "It's not about that. It's about a commitment. You made a commitment, and you just keep on keeping on." And my sweet friend Jessica says, "Happiness is elusive. It's not really the goal." And I'm beginning to look a little possessed, just like Veruca before she jumps into the "bad egg" shoot, "I'm almost 50 years old, and I really want happiness. I don't think it's overrated. I want it. I want it with Jesus, and I want it NOW."
Well, you can understand why it gets a little crazy up there sometimes. Unmoved by Oswald, I turned to the Scripture, reading the passage around today's verse for context. After Isaiah said, "Here I am. Send me!" God told him to give this message to the people: "Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving." He continued: "Make the heart of this people calloused; make their ears dull and close their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn and be healed."
When Isaiah asked, how long? God replied, "Until the cities lie ruined and without inhabitant, until the houses are left deserted and the fields ruined and ravaged . . . but as the terebinth and oak leave stumps when they are cut down, so the holy seed will be the stump in the land."
The holy seed will be the stump in the land. My heart feels a bit calloused, my eyes and ears a bit dull. I'm tired of keeping on. But there is a holy seed. I can faintly hear God calling, and though my voice is weak, I am saying, "Here I am. Send me."
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ReplyDeleteYour words this morning bring several things to mind:
1. The words of a dear mentor who once wrote me in the middle of a confusing trial and said, "Remember that all of life is designed as a lesson in trust, learning to trust Jesus. How is He asking you to trust Him in this?"
2. Occasionally we come very close to making our feelings the object we are seeking, instead of seeking Jesus. Making the feeling of intimacy the god we seek rather than Jesus. Are you looking for the sensation of intimacy? The sensation of floating on an ocean of happiness, joy, peace, safety or nearness? Jesus isn't a feeling; he is a person who wants you to trust Him in the middle of the worst catastrophe you've ever lived through and there's not a lot of happy feelings in that moment. Instead it's a gritty, determined set of the teeth that comes from learning He always comes through but it's always in HIS timing and HIS way and it's usually different than the way He did it the last time.
3. He is more interested in your trust than He is in your feelings. Remember that old saying, "Looks don't last; cookin' do!" It could be rendered here, "Feelings don't last, trust do!"