I am really starting to wish I could meet this man, sit down over dinner, and pose a few questions. I would like to understand his temperament. Again today, he uses the word "easy" in reference to living the Christian life: "If we are born again, it is the easiest thing to live in right relationship to God and the most difficult thing to go wrong, if only we will heed God's warnings and keep in the light." (Emphasis mine. That's a pretty big "if.")
Maybe it's a matter of semantics, but nothing in life seems easy to me -- and I know that by the world's standards I live a charmed life. Just getting out of bed can be difficult some days, let alone going to work, getting along with prickly people, loving and serving my family, doing the menial tasks of everyday life, exercising, graciously accepting criticism, choosing to be grateful, choosing peace when you're running late, choosing forgiveness when someone cuts you off in traffic.
Today's reading is so distant from my experience as to make me question the legitimacy of my faith. "When you really see Jesus, I defy you to doubt Him." Well, Oswald, if Jesus were sitting here next to me, I'm sure you're right, but what do you mean when I really see Jesus?
"When He says -- 'Let not your heart be troubled,' if you see Him I defy you to trouble your mind, it is a moral impossibility to doubt when He is there." I doubt all the time. My heart is troubled all the time. I am a worrier. I have four children. I worry about whether they will make the right choices, study hard, remain pure . . . I'm not excusing the behavior. I know I must fight against those tendencies, but it is a fight.
If you have ever been to a wrestling match, you know there is nothing easy about the sport. How can Oswald use wrestling as a metaphor for the Christian life (see December 16th entry) and call it easy?
I want to "get into personal contact with Jesus." I want the peace that Oswald describes: "a peace all over from the crown of the head to the sole of the feet, an irrepressible confidence." Again, the question: what am I doing wrong?
A side note: My friend Elizabeth posted a note on yesterday's entry that is worth reading. She wrote that Oswald suffered from depression for an extended period of time and suffered despair. I have struggled with depression for years myself, so this only makes Oswald more interesting to me. My assignment: research Oswald's life.
Barbara
I think what I love so much about Oswald is his radical approach to his faith. It's not halfway there or a frail attempt...Oswald throws himself at God and holds himself to the standard of "perfect". That doesn't mean he was perfect or that he achieved it in his daily walk. But anything less is failure. I feel like I can understand the paradox to today's entry. God tells me "be anxious for nothing" and to "lean not on your own understanding" and "do not fear". Anything less is failure. It is sin to not believe in God's omnipotence and omnipresence. As daunting as that expectation is....it's true and is what I desire. And I don't think Oswald thinks the process of life's decisions is easy...but it is easy in itself to say "I will." Marriage is definitely not easy, but it was easy to say "I do" because I knew it was right. And it's easy for me to say "I will love Shane today," even though it's hard. It's the decision to obey and to trust that is easy. The emotional and mental journey, however, is not. Love is a choice, not a feeling. My walk and obedience is a simple choice...despite the upheaval it causes within me.
ReplyDeleteInteresting distinctions, Jess.
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