"And Every Virtue We Possess"

Well worn ruts of habitual sin crisscross my soul, and yesterday on my way home from work, I followed one of them into despair. I did not perform well. I did not prove my worth. No one acknowledged my worth. I must be worth-less. And what did I do when I got to that pit? Pedaled harder and faster -- with look! no hands! no feet! no bike! -- just me screaming, Pick me! Pick me! from the bottom of a pit.

"All my fresh springs shall be in Thee." What beautiful words of promise. I live like the psalmist in a dry and weary land where there's no water, and my wells have all gone dry. That doesn't stop me from returning to them again and again in search of what they cannot provide. My soul thirsts for God, but I will, like Oswald describes, "cling to the natural virtues."

I am a writer. If I'm good at something, this is it. My heart thrills to every response my writing evokes. I look at this blog at least twice a day to see if anyone has posted any comments. I get excited by little thumbs-up signs on my Facebook posts. My writing is one of my wells, but it cannot quench my thirst. I'm not sure if I possess this talent by nature of heredity or education and practice, but thank God he is not in the business of patching it up. I have turned to my writing again and again to prove my worth, and it is not up to the task.

Oswald: "Watch how God will wither up your confidence in natural virtues after sanctification, and in any power you have, until you learn to draw your life from the reservoir of the resurrection life of Jesus. Thank God if you are going through a drying-up experience."

Well, then. Thank you, God. My wells are dry. All my fresh springs shall be in You.

Barbara