Beginning Again

I confess upfront that what I am about to undertake is primarily a selfish, mid-life, is-this-all-there-is kind of journey, but I hope, in following Oswald through a year of his devotional thoughts in My Utmost for His Highest, he will lead me to the treasure that supersedes such folly. Additionally, I hope fellow pilgrims will join me along the way -- making the journey both richer and a little less about me.

A seeming aside before I've even really begun: My daughter's cat, Boo, insists upon sitting atop my journal (I tend to write longhand before coming to the computer). It's hard to get irritated with that desire for closeness -- so bold, so clear in his demands: "I just want to be with you. Not across the room, not in the chair next to you, but here -- just off your shoulder, lying across the open book in which you are writing." He wants to be near me. Selfish? Undoubtedly. He doesn't care whether I accomplish my task, i.e. write this blog. It's irrelevant to him. He's thinking solely of his wants, his need, but rather than make me angry, he has endeared himself to me.

Here's the deal: I have been a Christian most of my life. It is essential to who I am. I have a clear set of beliefs. I know the Bible stories. And my convictions about what is right and what is wrong are drawn from what I believe the very Word of God to say. I can even recite the spiel about the uniqueness of Christianity being a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. The rub is that I'm not sure I have any idea what that means. Even worse, I have no experience of it. It is that personal relationship with the God-Man of the Bible that I seek. That is the purpose of my pilgrimage.

I could have chosen to study the writings of one of a number of authors who both seem to have made sense of the Christian life and to "get me"(without ever meeting or knowing me) -- Henri Nouwen, Kathleen Norris, Anne Lamott, C.S. Lewis, John Eldredge or John Piper. I chose Oswald primarily because his work comes in a devotional form, his writings have stood the test of time, and again and again, when my husband and I have come to him over the past 26 years, his words have promoted life in the moment, the ordinary, the mundane.

The plan is to write daily -- exploring the devotional entry for that day. December 7 might seem like an odd place to begin. Why not wait until January 1? The answer is simply that I am a supreme procrastinator. If I wait until January 1, I might not begin at all. That said, I'm going to begin with an exception. My first entry will deal with July 28 for two reasons: 1) On July 28, 2010, I will turn 50 -- no doubt a motivator for this journey; and 2) the message seems amazingly appropriate. Hereafter, I will adhere to a strict calendar format. My days and Oswald's will flow together. I will walk alongside the great teacher, as his wife wrote in the foreword, "with the prayer that day by day the messages may continue to bring the quickening life and inspiration of the Holy Spirit." On the top right-hand side of this blog, you'll find a link to an online version of My Utmost for His Highest. I hope you'll join me.