I have been tempted of late to give up this blog. Partly, the temptation arises from the demands of life -- job, motherhood, Frank's job, sickness, unhappiness, domestic duties -- but mostly, I wonder if it's accomplishing its purpose. Am I growing in my relationship with God? Do I have any better understanding of what that means than I did when I began this blog three months ago? I'm not sure. But then, have I given it enough of a chance?
I love the idea of the tableland Oswald describes where -- rather than pick my next step with painful care -- I can move about freely within the boundaries of God's grace. I do not want to agonize over every step, every decision. I long for freedom -- to dance about within a prescribed area. My life seems too much about fear -- of doing life wrong, of failure, of disappointing someone. And who is that someone? God? or me? I think good relationships are centered on freedom, and while I do not know if I'm on the right track, I still believe such a relationship with God is possible.
So, for now, I am committed to continuing this blog because I cannot think of a better alternate course. If not this, then what? And, there's Oswald's challenge: "Compare this week in your spiritual history with the same week last year and see how God has called you up higher." This blog, if nothing else, will be a record of where I am this year -- something to which to compare my position next year . . . Perhaps I will be encouraged.
I had actually wondered just a few days ago if writing this blog was burdensome to you. I hope you won't give it up. I will continue to pray that God will give you great joy and freedom in this endeavor.
ReplyDeleteBarb, you may not feel like it is making a difference, but I can see that it is making a difference in you. If anything, you have some of us reading a daily devotional that we otherwise would not be reading! Besides I love going on this journey with you, and it is all about me after all. Really though, life is more about the the process and so often the process makes more of a difference then the end result. A year will be over before you know it!
ReplyDeleteDawn, your comment made me chuckle, and I have had one of those days where I really need a good chuckle. Thanks, and thanks for the support on this journey.
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