Abandonment

All these years I haven't had a personal relationship with God because I haven't wanted one. I've been after something else entirely. Oswald nails it: "No, Lord, I don't want Thee, I want myself; but I want myself clean and filled with the Holy Ghost; I want to be put in Thy showroom and be able to say -- 'This is what God has done for me.'"

Peter's bold statement in Mark 10:28, "We have left everything to follow you," comes after the story of the rich young man who falls on his knees in front of Jesus asking what he must do to have eternal life. Jesus replies with a question, "Why do you call me good?" and a short list of the commandments. The man counters that he has kept all the commandments. Then comes this line: "Jesus looked at him and loved him." And the rest of the story: Jesus tells him to sell all he has, give it to the poor and follow him. The man goes away distraught.

Considering the verses that follow about a rich man passing through the eye of the needle, I have always thought this story was about money and possessions, materialism, but today, I think it is about relationship. Right off the bat, Jesus asks the man, "Why do you call me good? Only God is good." Jesus is calling the man into relationship: "Do you know who I am? Think about it -- no one is good except God alone." Then Jesus looks at the man and loves him, so he doesn't hesitate -- he drives the stiletto right to the point of decision -- "Sell all you have and follow me." Abandonment.

Just before the story of the rich young ruler, Mark includes the story of parents bringing their little children to Jesus and Jesus' famous words: "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Yesterday, I watched my friend's two-year-old as he clung to his momma's leg. It was a picture of abandonment. He loved her, adored her and, at that moment, wanted nothing more than to be near her. "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

I have read the passages of Scripture about denying myself as though they applied to riches, things, but today, I see a more critical application -- my own goodness. This Christianity is not the ultimate self-improvement plan. Jesus looks at me and loves me and says, "Drop everything in pursuit of me. Cling to me. Know me. I am life . . . and there is no other."

Barbara