"There is no freedom, no delight in life; nerves, mind and heart are so crushingly burdened that God's blessing cannot rest." Sounds like a description of depression, but Oswald uses these words to describe what happens to a Christian who loses his concentration on God.
Dear God, you know me. You know my brain, the firing or misfiring of synapses, the seratonin and dopamine levels, and what psychotropic drugs actually do. You also know my soul and the longings within me. You know that I sometimes have trouble lifting my head, facing the day or seeing the beauty that surrounds me. You have given me good friends who care about me, and you have given me an intense, driving sort of nature. I believe that you have called me to this journey with Oswald and that child-like freedom is your plan for me. Please show me how to concentrate on you in such a way that I have joy and am not crushed by the burdens of this world. If that involves medication, Lord, please make that in-my-face clear. If it involves confession and surrender of hidden sin, again, Lord, don't be subtle with me. I might miss it. One of the good friends you have given me suggested today that I might be trying to force you into my plan -- demanding that you reveal yourself to me in a certain way. I don't want to do that -- sounds a bit crazy to demand anything from you actually -- but neither do I want to pretend to have a personal relationship with you when I don't. I'd like to be happy, Father, and to experience the freedom of which Oswald writes. Show me the way please.
Amen.
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