Oh my goodness. How often have I said, "Oh Lord, let me be like other people"? Too many times to count. Mostly because I want to escape my own weakness -- my introspective nature, my obsessive concern over the impression I have made or perhaps the lack of an impression, the seriousness of my approach to life, my inefficient use of time, my tendency toward depression, and my inability to keep my mouth shut when I should.
Yesterday I experienced my weakness meeting God's strength. I had planned to call in sick to work. I was an emotional wreck -- one word/one thought away from tears at any given moment. But there was a meeting I couldn't miss, so I went in, and just as I feared, I could not keep my act together. My personal messiness was spilling out all over the place. Shoot! This was not the professional, got-it-all-together image I wanted to portray. But God met me in my brokenness in a way that my makeshift togetherness does not usually allow.
I work for a Christian organization, and people prayed for me -- deep prayers for healing and blessing. I truly felt loved, and while I wouldn't say I experienced immediate healing, I was able to press through my writer's block, and my perspective, which had been severely skewed, began to realign.
I'm not sure my personality would qualify as the burden of which Oswald speaks, but I am beginning to believe that I am best able to experience God's peace and joy and light through my brokenness. Rather than seek to trade it, disguise it or medicate it away, perhaps I should embrace it.
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