What Do You Want?

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever really get it . . . Christianity, a personal relationship with God, God living in me.

Baruch was Jeremiah's scribe. He had just written these words: "For I am watching over them for harm, not for good; the Jews in Egypt will perish by sword and famine until they are all destroyed" -- just one sentence out of 44 chapters of doom and gloom. Baruch's response: "Woe to me! The Lord has added sorrow to my pain; I am worn out with groaning and find no rest." Seems like a fairly appropriate response, so I don't understand God's reply: "I will overthrow what I have built and uproot what I have planted, throughout the land. Should you then see great things for yourself?" Great things? He is buckling under the burden of working for a doomsday prophet.

Do I want great things for myself? I want the fruits of the Spirit -- peace, joy, patience, gentleness, self-control. I want the surety of God's presence. I want to live with purpose. Are these great things?

My question for Oswald: What's the difference between wanting "great things" and simply seeking evidence that an actual relationship exists?

I read a little bit about Mother Teresa and Dietrich Bonhoeffer last night -- two great saints who apparently underwent excruciating internal struggles.

Perhaps I never will get it, and perhaps that is not the point.